Category Archives: politics

UCK! Some members of the alphabet get a bad rap

Warning: This post may -ontain letters that are harmf-l to yo-r sense of self, h-mor, and/or propriety.

Rog-e -hara-ters -an't be fo-nd in this graphi-

Three letters -annot be tolerated. Yo- -now which ones.

Apparently some letters of the alphabet have gone rog-e. It happened some time in the last two de-ades. It’s probably Bill -linton’s fa-lt. They seem to blame everything else on him.

A-t-ally, tho-gh, I thin- the ca-se lies somewhere within the F – -, the Federal -omm-ni-ations -ommision; yo- -now, that nanny agen-y that poli-es the p-bli- spee-h of Ameri-ans. They don’t mind if yo- lie thro-gh y-or teeth, they just want to be s-re that yo- don’t -se the letters—here -omes the offensive part—”u,” “c,” and “k.”

There, I’ve said it. I’ve actually written it. I’m a real outlaw now.

You may as well wave a gun as the letters u, c, and k.

You may as well wave a gun as the letters u, c, and k.

For some inexplicable reason, the world thinks that writing “f@#%ing awesome” is somehow different from writing “fucking awesome.” Yet don’t you pronounce them the same way in your head? The reader certainly comes away with the same meaning in either case. If the word is used literally, either spelling will paint the same visual image.

I can only deduce then, that it is not the sentiment or emotion that’s forbidden, but the letters themselves. Because it seems perfectly acceptable to tell you to go eff yourself, as long as I don’t spell it with “uck.”

Yep, I can be as mean and nasty to you as I want; only the spelling will be changed to protect… well, I’m not sure what it’s protecting. Certainly not your feelings.

This is why Nick Prince—he’s the dude that’s going to lead you on the absurdity of working for the U.S. Census Bureau in Senseless Confidential—always has to be introduced with disclaimers—because he doesn’t leave any of the letters out when he tells you how he feels about the women and warrants he’s juggling just to make it through the day.

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Every vote matters, yes, even yours

The little town of Estacada, Oregon, which appears several times in my comedic novel Senseless Confidential, voted yesterday on a bond measure to fund a new fire station. It passed by only THREE votes.

Yes, I know it’s only a fire station in a little, out of the way town in rural Clackamas County. The point is, you never know which vote is going to cause any measure or candidate to succeed or fail.

Never say your vote doesn’t matter. Always remember to vote. We get the Democracy we deserve.

PolyRomnogamy: Mitt’s many great-grandmothers

Polygamy provides one of several tongue-in-cheek themes for the humor in the comedic romp that is Senseless Confidential. But in real life it is a serious business, practiced in the United States predominantly by offshoots of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (the Mormons), which no longer condones the practice and has no affiliation with the “apostate” churches the religion has spawned over the last 182 years.

Occasionally polygamy pops into the consciousness of the mainstream media, as with the case of polygamous leader Warren Jeffs, jailed a few years back for his role in the “taking” of underage girls to wife (a fact that is mentioned in the novel). But, more recently, polygamy has been in the spotlight because of the ascendance of Willard Mitt Romney as a contender for the U.S. presidency. It’s no secret that GOP Presidential nominee-to-be Mitt Romney comes from a line of polygamous Mormons, back in the day when the Salt Lake City–based main branch of the faith actively practiced “the principle” of Celestial Marriage, the sealing of multiple wives to select, “worthy” men “for time and all eternity.”

Romney is descended from two lines of polygamists, through his great-grandfathers Miles Romney and Parley P. Pratt, the latter a hero of Mormonism later murdered in Arkansas by a vengeful husband from California whose wife Pratt stole fora plural wife after converting her to Mormonism .

Romney biographer Lawrence Wright says of the polygamous Romneys:

Although Romney, like other Mormons, defends the practice of polygamy in the early days of the Church by pointing to a surplus of women in Utah, census reports for the time show roughly equal numbers of men and women. Church leaders were told to take multiple wives and “live the principle.” In religions where polygamy is still practiced — for example, in Islam — the number of wives is usually a reflection of the husband’s wealth; the currency behind Mormon polygamy, however, seems to have been spiritual. Only men are given the priesthood power of salvation, and through them women gain access to the celestial kingdom. Faithful women were naturally drawn to men who they believed could guarantee eternal life; in fact, Brigham Young authorized women to leave their husbands if they could find a man “with higher power and authority” than their present husband. Apparently, many of them did, as shown by the rate of divorce at the time.

It’s interesting to note that it’s census numbers that contradict the oft-repeated claim of “more women than men” used to justify Mormon polygamy, because the main character in Senseless Confidential, Nick Prince, is a harried employee of the U.S. Census Bureau, who stumbles upon a secretive polygamous clan deep in the forests of the Oregon Cascades in the tiny almost-town of Elwood. Unlike many real-life experiences with polygamy, Nick’s are humorous.

So, go ahead and laugh as you read Senseless Confidential; just remember that for many women and children—as well as the men either forced into the practice by domineering religious leaders—it is a deadly serious subject. That is true as well for the young men driven out of polygamous communities in order to eliminate rivals or reduce competition for older, already-married men looking to add to their spousal collection.

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