UCK! Some members of the alphabet get a bad rap


Warning: This post may -ontain letters that are harmf-l to yo-r sense of self, h-mor, and/or propriety.

Rog-e -hara-ters -an't be fo-nd in this graphi-

Three letters -annot be tolerated. Yo- -now which ones.

Apparently some letters of the alphabet have gone rog-e. It happened some time in the last two de-ades. It’s probably Bill -linton’s fa-lt. They seem to blame everything else on him.

A-t-ally, tho-gh, I thin- the ca-se lies somewhere within the F – -, the Federal -omm-ni-ations -ommision; yo- -now, that nanny agen-y that poli-es the p-bli- spee-h of Ameri-ans. They don’t mind if yo- lie thro-gh y-or teeth, they just want to be s-re that yo- don’t -se the letters—here -omes the offensive part—”u,” “c,” and “k.”

There, I’ve said it. I’ve actually written it. I’m a real outlaw now.

You may as well wave a gun as the letters u, c, and k.

You may as well wave a gun as the letters u, c, and k.

For some inexplicable reason, the world thinks that writing “f@#%ing awesome” is somehow different from writing “fucking awesome.” Yet don’t you pronounce them the same way in your head? The reader certainly comes away with the same meaning in either case. If the word is used literally, either spelling will paint the same visual image.

I can only deduce then, that it is not the sentiment or emotion that’s forbidden, but the letters themselves. Because it seems perfectly acceptable to tell you to go eff yourself, as long as I don’t spell it with “uck.”

Yep, I can be as mean and nasty to you as I want; only the spelling will be changed to protect… well, I’m not sure what it’s protecting. Certainly not your feelings.

This is why Nick Prince—he’s the dude that’s going to lead you on the absurdity of working for the U.S. Census Bureau in Senseless Confidential—always has to be introduced with disclaimers—because he doesn’t leave any of the letters out when he tells you how he feels about the women and warrants he’s juggling just to make it through the day.

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About Martin Bannon Beaudet

Actor, Screenwriter, Novelist Author of the political thriller By A Thread: A tale of truth, trust, and betrayal Author of the psychological thriller Losing Addison @AuthorMartyB on Twitter …/author.marty.beaudet on Facebook Author of the book "Senseless: Confidential" @Martin_Bannon on Twitter …/author.martin.bannon on Facebook

Posted on June 6, 2012, in a fun book to read, Fiction, Novel, politics and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. Man, that’s just bulls@#%! Plenty of other letters can’t catch a break either!

    On a serious note though – true, this self censorship is a bit bizarre. We all know what you’re trying to say, so just go ahead and say it! Nice posts

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